Bouncing back from adversity
The late great Aaliyah wrote a song called 'Try Again' with the lyrics "And if at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again". This is great advice, but is easier in principle than practice.
Everything is going great for me at the moment; my business, HEX, is thriving with lots of interesting work and clients, I have a happy marriage, a lovely home, and I have close and supportive family and friends. This doesn't mean, however, that I don't have setbacks, nor does it mean that my good fortune will last forever. Things can change quickly, so it's importance to look after your resilience levels proactively, as I wrote about in this blog.
What should you do when you suffer a setback? In my line of work, I'm at the mercy of my clients' changing circumstances and when budgets are tight, it's often development of individuals, teams, and broader leadership groups that are an early casualty. I'm also regularly pitching my coaching services alongside other talented, insightful, and highly effective executive coaches, and sometimes clients will conclude a competitor matches their needs more. And although I try not to, I'm prone to over-personalising rejection and finding it hard to move on.
I'm a sceptic when it comes to anything too spiritual, but I am a fan of positive thinking and manifesting success. I'm careful, however, that positively anticipating new client work becoming a reality doesn't slip into expectation. Dealing with expectations not materialising is much harder to deal with than the corresponding pain from broken anticipation!
If I feel disappointed or upset, I remember that this is a natural human reaction and something that will pass. I am prone to feelings of shame, and if I get a knock back, it often leads to these feelings coming to the fore. When feeling this shame, I acknowledge that feeling and that of disappointment so that I can process my emotions. I know that in time, I will be able to move on.
Treating it as an opportunity to learn what is or isn't working is also important. Recently, I had a difficult conversation with a client about some work that I was struggling to deliver for them. I handled it badly and although it wasn't my intention, the client was rightly upset. Rather than trying to persuade myself that it wasn't my fault, I acknowledged that I had not dealt with it well, learned from it, and am changing the way I work moving forward.
Lastly, I treat myself with kindness. It's natural that not everything will go well - dealing with bad times means we can also get the good times. We're well designed to bounce back from adversity, so next time you have a setback, follow Aaliyah's advice by dusting yourself off, and trying again.
If you're finding it hard to bounce back from challenges, then HEX can help you. Get in touch by emailing tom@hex-development.com.
